Virgins must be more vigilant in defending their rights.

“I respect your opinion, but with all due respect I have to disagree with you,” I told Bob.

Bob, who I met in an online Virginity group, had said that the solution to the problem of anti-Virgin bigotry and bullying and that was “simple” i.e. Virgins should stay in the closet.  

“If anything,” Bob said, “it allows us the breathing space to stay Virgin without anybody knowing” and giving us a hard time about it.

 Honestly, I was not going to post what I said to Bob next because when I read it back it sounds so overwrought it’s a little embarrassing. It’s just that I have some very strong feelings about this and when I get on my soapbox I tend to really rant. Was what I said over the top? You be the judge.

“I think that lying about being a Virgin does show, maybe subconsciously, that you are ashamed of it. Here’s my perspective… I don’t go around publicizing my Virginity in my offline life because at the end of the day what difference does it make? My sexual identity has nothing to do with my ability to perform a job, or with being a good friend, or a loving family member. But there is a difference between not publicizing who you are and lying about it. I don’t go around with “VIRGIN” tattooed on my forehead, but if someone asks me if I am a Virgin (which the people at that job I talked about did) I certainly won’t deny it.

I consider myself to be a strong person. I have never been particularly concerned with what other people thought, and I think that people who let other people’s actions and opinions influence how they live their lives are making a big mistake. I think that the boy who killed himself was misguided and the one that raped his sister was nuts to begin with. I only told these stories to point out how intense the hatred out there is and to say that sexually abstinent people must be more vigilant in defending their rights. Our politically correct society bends over backwards to show tolerance for every other sexual group, what makes us a special case? Are we any less human than other groups of people? Are we not entitled to the same rights and considerations as they?

You may choose the path of least resistance, but for me lying is not the way to go. I choose to fight. The reason I walked away from that job where I was experiencing the sexual harassment was because the job sucked, the pay was lousy, and it wasn’t worth the trouble of a lawsuit. But I will fight anyone that tries to bully me into conforming because I love who I am and I see no reason to deny it. So I’m not going to pretend to be someone else and I’m not going to go somewhere and hide. People can say and do whatever they want — I can take it and I will fight back.”

OK… Maybe that was a little bombastic, but I meant every word of it. No problem was ever solved by running away from it. And if we truly want the bullying to stop WE — not just me — but WE as Virgins and as a community must stand up to the bullies. I have taken the first step by opening the conversation. What step will you take? Will you fight too, or will you be like Bob?

“I’m just into being peaceful and clever,” he replied. “There are enough wars out there, and my method doesn’t stop me from comfortably being who I am. That way, if I give them enough rope, they hang themselves.”

That is… if they don’t hang you first.

Leave a comment


  1. You’re right, the only way to change the stigma associated with Virgins is to first change the way we as virgins react. If you let people treat you like that it becomes a norm and if you hide in the shadows and lie about it, you yourself may also associate some sort of shame with it, like you said.
    I like this post, I hope it lets other people realise there’s nothing wrong with being virgins.

  2. You’re absolutely right. If you lie about your virginity it only seems to validate the idea that something is wrong with it and the cycle continues.


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