“I believe the solution to this problem is simple,” said Bob in response to my “I think people who abstain from sex should say NO to bullying” post.

I linked Bob to my post after meeting him in an online Virginity group in a discussion about anti-virgin intolerance. I disagreed the following message he sent me saying that the way to deal with anti-Virgin intolerance and bullying is basically for Virgins to lock themselves in the chastity closet and throw away the key.

“If we are willing to lie [about being Virgins] or hold our silence,” he said,“we can save ourselves a lot of heartache. Lying doesn’t necessarily equate being ashamed of Virginity. If anything, it allows us the breathing space to stay Virgin without anybody knowing it. If some official organization feels the need to ask me intimate questions, and I find that they have no legitimate reason why they are asking (which is always the case), then I’m going to lie rather than divulge such sensitive info. I’ve done it, and sure enough, it works. Nobody is able to come at me for that subject matter, because I claim to be just like them. Now, people still look at me cross-eyed, they still don’t know what to make of me, because I don’t give them a clue. What matters is, they don’t pressure me to change who I am. Maybe if you are in another high paying position, using lying to protect yourself, can give you that much needed breathing space from the malcontents, and you can keep what is important… your job. If people at your next job come onto you, you can always use the broken heart excuse, and say you’re not ready, as of yet, for a new relationship. And if the same people keep at you, you can ask them if they are stalking you, so they can be guilt-ridden into backing off of you, etc. I just think that this is a peaceful, clever way for us to keep our dignity, our choice, and peace and privacy. Camouflage works. These enemies can’t fight what they can’t see, and I don’t want any more of these tragic stories [of rape and suicide] to happen anymore. Yes, this is one of those times when a parent should teach a kid to lie. It’s better than the alternative, in today’s society. I don’t want any more parents having to live with not having protected their kids for their abstinence choice.”

Perhaps you are one of those that would agree with Bob. A lot of Virgins do go this route and it’s understandable. There’s a lot of ignorance and hatred out there. But overall, I have to disagree with Bob’s “simple” solution that hiding in the Chastity closet is the way to combat bigotry. Yes, it may give you some “breathing space” in that the Virgin bashers won’t hassle you if they don’t know you’re there, but denying who you really are not only prevents you from realizing your full potential as a human being, it prevents you from having fulfilling relationships with sexually compatible partners. Most importantly, it does nothing to solve the real problem of social intolerance and inequality.

Next time, I’ll post what I told Bob in reply.