How Virgins seeking Virgins online can avoid being catfished.

OK. So, hopefully you’ve read the last post and you know all about my embarrassing experience of being catfished by a horny guy posing online as a Virgin using a Virginity website that he created as a come-on. But…

“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…”

Well, that hasn’t happened yet. And I don’t ever intend for it to happen. Oh, I’ve encountered other catfish posing as Virgins since I got scammed the first time, but I’ve learned a lot since then, and I’ve successfully dodged bullets ever since. So Virgins, if you don’t want to end up as catfish bait for some creepy Virgin hunter, here’s some things you must always remember before trusting anyone you meet online who claims to be a Virgin — especially if they may have romantic interest in you.

1. Never take anything at face value.

Never take anything at face value.

As I’ve said, there have always been attention seekers and cheats who have lied about being Virgins, and just because someone says they’re a Virgin it doesn’t mean that they are. Never take anything at face value — especially on the internet. Always, always ask questions. And learn to ask the right questions. NEVER ask someone, “Are you a Virgin?” People interpret “Virgin” to mean all kinds of things and they can always say “yes” based on something that’s total nonsense. Instead you should ask, “What is the most sexual thing that you have ever done?” Of course, the right answer to this question is (and they should say this without hesitation), that they haven’t engaged in any form of sexual activity at all. But many catfish will readily admit that they’ve engaged in oral intercourse, manual intercourse, or anal intercourse because they foolishly think that these things are acceptable in the Virgin community. I have stopped dozens of catfish dead in their tracks this way. It’s one of the first things I ask any would-be Virgin I meet, and if they give the wrong answer — they’re history. The “What is the most sexual thing you’ve ever done?” question is one of the most important weapons in your arsenal to quickly flush out a potential fake. It’s a simple direct approach that you can use online or offline that will keep you from wasting time with posers who aren’t worth your time.

2. People can’t give what they don’t have.

What if the person you’re talking to says that they are as pure as the falling snow when you ask about their sexual background? Silently congratulate them for having the sense to know what “Virgin” means but still don’t trust them. A clever catfish may be able to bypass the first hurdle by telling a simple lie but this next hurdle is almost sure to trip them up. Remember how I told you in the last post about Bill not having anything to say about his experiences as a Virgin? I know now that it was because he had no experiences to talk about! Sure, everybody was a Virgin once, including Bill. But the common person who either lost their Virginity at an early age or sleepwalked through it can’t talk about it like someone who has really experienced it can. Real Virgins are so starved for an emphatic ear that when they finally do meet another Virgin, everything that they’ve been holding in about the experience of being a Virgin in a society where they are an oppressed minority pours out. Their lives, their thoughts, their feelings, their shared ideas and experiences dominate the conversation. But if the person you’re talking to is strangely quiet on these matters… if they are evasive when you ask them to tell you about themselves and their Virgin experiences — meaning that they are not straightforward with you and they try to avoid the issue, change the subject, or beat around the bush — they’re fake. This isn’t something that you should have to pull out of them if they were on the same wavelength as you. Some catfish will try to fake it by telling you something very general or stereotypical. One guy tried to act like he was in the know by telling me that people called him “gay” because he allegedly never had sex —  but lots of people are called “gay” for all kinds of reasons, this is not unique to Virgins and it proves nothing. You’re looking for experiences that are uniquely Virgin — and the more specifics some one gives you, the more likely they are to be for real. Being a Virgin yourself, you’ll know if what they’re saying rings true.

Some things can’t be faked. Experience is one, innocence is another. Innocence is more than just a word. It’s a state of being that shows in your attitude and outlook on life. Innocence is vibrant, energetic, and passionate, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. If the person you’re talking to is stoic, blasé, or apathetic — if they’re standoffish and can’t seem to relate to your intensity — it’s a sure sign that they’re jaded. They’ve been around, they’ve lost it, and they’re fake. People can’t give what they don’t have. And you can’t get purity of experience or the qualities of innocence from someone who simply doesn’t have it to give.

3. Trust your instincts.

Undoubtedly, the biggest mistake I made when I was catfished was that I didn’t trust my instincts. I wanted to believe in this guy so badly that I ignored multiple red flags and dismissed that little voice that told me something was wrong. Always trust your instincts and go with your gut. Even if the person you’re talking to says all the right things and seems to be passionate and sincere — if your gut tells you something’s not right — trust your gut. Even if you happen to be wrong, at least you won’t end up like Manti Te’o. ♦

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