Virgins seeking Virgins online should beware of catfish.

When I first came to live with the fact that I was a Virgin adult and would remain so indefinitely, I went online to find others like me. Anyone in any given situation naturally wants to reach out to others in the same situation for guidance and support. I found a website that advertised having a support group for Virgins. This website and support group was run by a self-styled prophet who preached that Virginity was “the way of God” and that people should (this is an exact quote from the website) “eliminate the desire for sex and break free from the cycle of death and rebirth and find eternal youth and longevity.”

Anyhow…. this was the only Virgin support group that I could find, and this seemed to be the only website that had anything hopeful to say about adult Virginity.

It was a closed group, so I sent a request to join. Later, I received an email from the support group leader, webmaster, and self-professed Perpetual Virgin who I’ll call “Bill.” Bill and I ended up exchanging emails for a couple of weeks. I began to suspect that something was off because in all that time I had spoken only to him. This was supposed to be a support group. Where was the group? Whenever I asked Bill about the group or meeting other members, he changed the subject. I guessed that maybe Bill was the gatekeeper whose job it was to scrutinize every prospective new member to see if they were the right fit before admitting them. But I seriously began to wonder if there was a group at all, or if Bill made it up to lure Virgin women into a potential relationship with him. During the course of our chats he seemed to become possessive and got belligerent when I talked about the possibility of becoming sexually involved with another guy.  But after such a long time of feeling like I was the only Virgin on earth — I was so glad to had finally found someone else like me (or so I thought), I pushed aside any doubts that I had.

I began to open up to Bill and express things that I couldn’t express to anyone else in my life because they were not on my level. I trusted Bill and allowed myself to feel that I had this very deep connection with him because we were “the same”. Bill, on the other hand, was distant and stony. He strangely had nothing to say about himself or his life. I began to wonder why it was that I was doing all the talking. Several times I stopped and asked Bill to tell me something about his Virgin experiences, and each time he evaded the question.

Inevitably, the subject of sex came up. You can’t talk about abstinence without talking about sex since one cannot exist in this world without the other. It was then that Bill told me that he was, in his words, “NOT 100% pure” and that he had engaged in manual intercourse where he had allowed a “girl” to give him a handjob. My spirit crashed. Bill was not a Virgin! Worse yet, he wasn’t even Chaste and obviously didn’t believe in Chastity since he also informed me that if a woman wanted to give him oral sex he “wouldn’t deny her that.”

So, all that time I had been bearing my soul to someone who had been deceiving me all along. To think that this fool had gone to the extreme of building a website where he preached from atop Mount Olympus that everyone should follow his example and remain as pure as falling snow if they wanted to know God! This guy had a significant number of followers. So he not only catfished me, he lied to and mislead thousands of people who subscribed to his website.  The fact that he finally told me the truth (at least, as much of it as he was willing to tell — he’d probably done a lot more than just have one woman jerk him off once) didn’t make it any easier to swallow.  As for the “Virgin support group” that he was supposed to be the leader of, it turned out that it was real; he introduced me to it shortly afterward. But it was quickly clear to me that its members were all a bunch of fakes just like him, so I left. By the way, this website and support group no longer exists.

The moral of this story is… just because someone says they’re a Virgin , it doesn’t mean that they are. There have always been people who have falsely claimed a Virgin identity to get attention, to please traditionalist parents, or to make themselves look more desirable to a potential spouse/lover. Although it’s never acceptable to lie to or deceive anyone, real Virgins who live very isolated lives surrounded by people who are not their peers are particularly vulnerable to those who would take advantage their loneliness and desperation. This has never been more truer it is in this current age of social networking. There’s a name for it: “Catfishing!”

Catfishing is the phenomenon where Internet scammers create fake online profiles, identities, and entire social circles to lure people into deceptive online romances.

Catfishing is the phenomenon where Internet scammers create fake online profiles, identities, and entire social circles to lure people into deceptive online romances. The Manti Ta’o fake girlfriend hoax which received a tsunami of media coverage last February brought the threat of Catfishing into public awareness. My experience was not as bad as Manti Ta’o’s, but it was traumatic enough to make me change the way that I interact with everyone I meet online who claims to be a Virgin. What happened to me was a learning experience. Who knows, maybe it was meant to happen just so I could share what I’ve learned from it with you through this blog. In my next post, I will be giving tips and advice on how you out there in the Virgin community may avoid being baited by catfish that are lurking on websites and social media pages about Virginity.

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You could be a Perpetual Virgin if…

There has been so much mythology surrounding Perpetual Virgins that most people think they aren’t real.

When you hear the term “Perpetual Virgin” the first image that comes to mind is probably of The Virgin Mary. Or, perhaps you may think of Catholic saints, Vestal Virgins, or ancient goddesses. There has been so much mythology surrounding Perpetual Virgins that most people think they aren’t real. I used to be one of those people as I commented in my biography How I came to be a Perpetual Virgin. But a Perpetual Virgin is really just an average person with a not so average life.

First and foremost, a Perpetual Virgin is a Virgin that is naturally oriented toward living an unmarried, sexually inactive life — and makes a conscious decision to do so. But there are other things that define a Perpetual Virgin too, and I have comprised a list of them.

You might be a Perpetual Virgin if…

  • You believe that staying a Virgin is the way of life that is best for your personal happiness and well-being, and is good for fulfilling your goals in life.
  • You believe sexual purity beings you closer to God or spiritual perfection.
  • You would never even consider doing anything sexually that would even remotely damage or compromise your sexual purity.
  • You believe staying a Virgin makes you better suited for some kinds of religious service, or is the best lifestyle for following the spiritual path of your choice.
  • Your spirit is blissfully happy most of the time.
  • Your spirit is very vigorous and energetic most of the time.
  • You find the thought of marriage depressing.
  • You don’t believe in abusing alcohol, doing drugs, smoking, swearing, or anything that is not pure in nature.
  • You don’t particularly want, need, or crave the orgasmic aspect of sexuality, though you have a normal sex drive and there is nothing physically wrong with you.
  • You have a strong desire for sexual intimacy, but don’t want sex itself in any form.
  • You prefer to dress modestly, not showing too much skin, because you don’t want to attract unchaste sexual attention.
  • You don’t appreciate it when someone comes on to you in a sexually unchaste way.
  • You just don’t see what all the fuss over sex is about. It seems like a big deal over nothing. You get bored or disgusted watching sex scenes in movies.
  • You believe your virginity, your body, and your sexuality belongs to you and no one else — and you question the concept of “saving” them for someone.
  • You are not entirely comfortable with traditional gender roles and don’t want the burden of being bound by them that the loss of Virginity, or a conventional relationship would bring.
  • Your virginity means so much to you that you are willing to endure criticism, loneliness, persecution, ridicule or whatever it takes to keep it.
  • Your Virginity means a lot to you and you would regret it for the rest of your life if you traded it in for a relationship that didn’t work.
  • You don’t feel you need to get married to obtain happiness, fulfillment, or worth.
  • You personally view all sex, consensual or not, as a kind of rape.
  • You believe that marriage is slavery for the woman and prison for the man.
  • You don’t feel you need to have sex to prove that you are an adult or a “real” woman/man.
  • You believe that unmarried chastity better enables you to pursue your dreams and do a lot of good in the world because you are not confined by having to care for a spouse and children.
  • Sex does not represent a temptation for you.
  • You believe that a God/destiny guides your life and that you have been allowed to remain a Virgin into adulthood for a purpose.
  • You love being a virgin and can’t imagine life any other way.

If you are a Virgin and you recognized yourself in many of these statements, if you feel something stirring inside you, if overall this sounds rational or makes sense — then you might be oriented or “called” to the life of a Perpetual Virgin. You can explore it and see where it leads or you can ignore it and live a normal life. Either way… Perpetual Virginity is real.

  • Author: Miss Daphne

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