Nigeria crowns “World Purity Queen”.

What’s wrong with this picture? Earlier this month in a campaign to promote abstinence among youth, the government of Abia state, Nigeria  crowned Mrs. Nwanyieze Prosper “Miss World Purity Queen 2013″and awarded her a brand new car for keeping her Virginity until marriage.

Turning Virginity into a commodity that can be traded for a car or any type of personal gain only cheapens it.

Mrs. Prosper was one of only two women who cared to be in the contest sponsored by Nigeria’s Purity Organization, a government-funded institution focused on promoting abstinence until marriage. The president of the Purity Organization, Mr. Prosper Tochukwu, said the prize car which he described as an “ enviable gift” would be donated by his organization in fulfillment of a pledge it made to reward any girl medically certified to be virgin on the eve of her wedding. Mr. Tochukwu indicated that since only two persons entered the contest since last year, the second person would be given a car as well since both were certified as virgins by medical experts.

The governor of Abia state, Theodore Orji, commended the Purity Organization for promoting abstinence and said in a statement that the consequences of pre-marital sex are enormous and that the ideals of the Purity Organization were in line with the goals of his administration. He assured the organization of continued government support in its activities and called upon (female) singles to keep their virginity, which he described as an “enduring priceless legacy”.

Some pretty desperate things have been done in many countries to try to get young people to abstain from sex until marriage, but this goes way beyond the pale. Some would argue that the Nigerian government — and the United States government for that matter — are doing a good thing by promoting abstinence through groups like The Purity Organization in light of the rampant spread of sexually transmitted diseases like HIV/AIDS and staggering rates of teenage pregnancy. These people would also say how nice it is for young people to have a role model like “Miss World Purity Queen” to represent the virtues of saving themselves for marriage. And if it takes incentives like giving away new cars to those that make do to get the message across, so be it.

Well, I disagree with this on many levels and here’s why…

1. No one should be pressured or bribed into abstaining from sex.

I believe that people should not be pressured into keeping their Virginity any more than they should be pressured into losing it. The problem that I have with the so-called “abstinence movement” (which is really just a propaganda campaign fabricated by governments and special interest groups, and has nothing to do with Virgins themselves) is that too often its facilitators use intimidation and fear to get people to accept a way of life that goes against their nature. This Nigerian campaign took things to a whole new level of unethical conduct by using bribery. Yes, I believe that Virginity is “an enduring priceless legacy” as Theodore Orji put it, but I believe in maintaining Virginity for the love of Virginity — not to please others, and certainly not for profit. Turning Virginity into a commodity that can be traded for a car or any type of personal gain, no matter how lofty the intentions of doing so may be, only cheapens it.

2. “Miss World Purity Queen” contest objectifies Virgins.

At first glance, it may appear that the “Miss World Purity Queen” contest honors Virgins by putting them on a pedestal but the “Miss World Purity Queen” contest dehumanizes Virgins by objectifying them. A prime example of this is the way its contestants were made to undergo a physical exam on the eve of their wedding night to ensure that their hymens are in tact as the basis for winning. Aside from the fact that the hymen is only a symbol and doesn’t prove or disprove anything about a woman’s actual purity, this contest dehumanized Virgins by reducing them from being thinking human beings to a piece of skin between their legs — and reinforced the idea that Virgins are just objects to be used by someone else, like the Abia state government and the Purity Organization used these two young women as pawns to further their own agenda.

3. Governments should not get involved in people’s private lives.

What place does any government have in telling people whether or not they should have sex? I personally don’t believe that governments should tell their citizens how to manage their sexuality any more than they should tell their citizens what religion to practice. The decision to keep one’s Virginity or not is a highly personal one that the individual must make for herself/himself according to their own personality, beliefs, and capabilities. Of course, I think kids should learn about abstinence, but I disagree with so-called abstinence-only education that attempts to pressure, frighten, or bribe young people into abstaining. I learned about abstinence in grade school and made a vow at 12-years-old that I would remain a Virgin, and I’ve kept that vow all these years with little or no effort. But I know that everyone is not and cannot be like me. People have to embrace the sexual disposition that they were given and make decisions that are right for them. I believe young people should be taught about abstinence in addition to the use of contraceptives and then be allowed to freely make up their own minds about which path is right for them. Some will choose abstinence, others won’t.

Some people would say, “They’re kids! They don’t know what’s right for them! And contraceptives don’t always work! If the government has to pay billions of dollars in aid for unwed teenage mothers and patients with AIDS and other STDs, then the government has a right to promote whatever message it likes with regard to how kids should behave sexually!

Yes, they may be kids, but kids are people too. And you can’t stop people from doing what they want to do, especially in a free and democratic society. Since governments that fund abstinence-only programs profess to have such strong religious faith, I would suggest that they pray the following prayer:

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.”

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“Catfishing” not news to Virgins.

People looking for relationships in the murky waters of cyberspace now have a new danger to watch out for this Valentine’s day… Catfish!

One month ago a catfish was, well… a fish. But now it has become a term for a phenomenon rocketed into the public consciousness by the bizarre events of the Manti Ta’o girlfriend hoax. For those outside the US who may not know what I’m talking about — Manti Ta’o is an American football player who fell in love with what he thought was an attractive young woman that he met on a social networking site. The relationship lasted for several years until Manti discovered that this “woman” who he had only communicated with online and over the phone was really a disturbed man who had created a fake online profile with a fictitious name, a made-up life, and a photograph of a woman hijacked from someone else’s profile. Manti Ta’o had been the victim of a “catfish”!

A Catfish is someone who pretends to be someone they are not online using Facebook or other social media to create a false identity, especially to lure unsuspecting people into deceptive online romances. The word “catfish” comes from the 2010 documentary Catfish about a man who, like Manti Ta’o, fell for a woman he met online based on a fabricated social media profile created by an internet predator to trick him into an  emotional/romantic relationship. (Watch the video at this link for more info on the Manti Ta’o story and the catfishing phenomenon.)

A Catfish is someone who pretends to be someone they are not online using Facebook or other social media to create a false identity.

A Catfish is someone who pretends to be someone they are not online using Facebook or other social media to create a false identity.

For weeks the Manti Ta’o catfishing story dominated the news. But it wasn’t news in my opinion, and I couldn’t understand why they were making such a big deal out of it. So, a guy gets scammed on the internet by a fraud.  There are lots of frauds on the internet, and I knew that from personal experience. Surely, everyone knows you can’t trust everything you see on the internet, right?

Well, apparently lots of people didn’t know that. I was shocked by the number of people I ‘ve seen in videos across the internet that said  that they had never heard of predators with deceptive online profiles or “catfish” before. The term “catfishing” may be new, but there’s nothing new about someone trying to lure you into a relationship by pretending to be something they are not. Virgins have been dealing with catfish — or in our case — non-virgins who pretend to be Virgins just to get into our pants, since before there was an internet. There’s a lot of frustration among Virgins about people who pretend to be Virgins, and this is becoming a serious problem as Virgin adults become more visible and begin to seek out other Virgin adults for moral support, friendship, and yes… even love. But these things become very difficult to achieve when every other person that claims to be a Virgin is not, and you don’t know who to trust.

So the whole catfishing thing was not news to me — and I doubt that it was news for the majority of real Virgins who probably have their own fish stories to tell. I certainly have mine.

How I became a Perpetual Virgin. Part 7

(Note: This is the last chapter in a series of posts that began in November 2011. Click here to read the previous chapters.)

Like everyone else I was raised on the notion that one day I would marry and have kids. I always assumed that sex, like death, was an inevitable conclusion. To never even try it would be against nature. So my knee-jerk reaction to this website that advocated that people should remain Virgins all their lives as a way to achieve “eternal youth, longevity, and a closer connection with God” was to run from it. “These people are nuts,” I thought as I shut down my computer. “The webmaster and everyone who posted comments agreeing with his crazy ideas saying that they were Virgins for life too were completely nuts.”

Yet no matter how much I tried to dismiss this site and its message, I kept coming back. And what kept me coming back were the people, adult Virgins like me, who posted there. Their experiences were so similar to mine — and for once I felt like I had a connection to someone. It was so reassuring it was to hear that I was not the only person going through what I was going through as an adult Virgin. And back in 2001 this was the only website that took Virginity seriously and affirmed it as something positive and acceptable for adults. I figured, why throw out the baby with the bath water? Yes, the site was a little off the wall to preach that people should purposely stay Virgins all their lives, but I decided to ignore that part. Instead, I’d just focus on the off-topic comments that people posted about saving yourself for marriage.

But something inside me started to change. The more I thought about my Virginity the more I realized how much it actually meant to me. Whenever I thought about having to give it up (even in the context of marriage) I would become extremely depressed. I realized how much my virginity truly enriched my life. It gave me freedom, clarity, and an optimism that other people didn’t have. I also realized that the feelings I had when I was going through that phase of wanting to lose my Virginity to the first guy that came along were coming more out of a desire to fit in and be normal than a genuine desire for sex. Furthermore, I realized that whatever feelings that I had about getting married and starting a family I had because I had been conditioned to think that it was inevitable and what I should want. It had nothing to do with what I subconsciously wanted for myself. But now I knew without a doubt that what I truly wanted was to remain a Virgin, always. And for the first time I realized that I could pursue another path other than the one society held up. I decided to take the road less traveled. I would choose to remain a Virgin for life. I would become a Perpetual Virgin.

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So that’s how I came to be a Perpetual Virgin. And though I am ending my story here, my life being the person that I truly am was only beginning. Over the next 12 years I would continue to grow spiritually and mentally to embrace this path that God’s grace has permitted me to follow. And if there’s one thing I want all the reluctant virgins and virgin-in-waiting to take away from my story it’s that any Virgin can be a Perpetual Virgin. I was once just like you.

How I came to be a Perpetual Virgin menu

Virgin bashers are envious, resentful, and insecure.

The fore mentioned person in my last post who I’ll refer to as “Bob” finally viewed my “I think people who abstain from sex should say NO to bullying” article. However, I totally disagreed with the response he wrote to it.

I had disagreed with Bob’s views that Virgins should “use a lying spirit” and do everything they can to hide the fact that they are Virgins. I relish my Virginity and I don’t understand why anyone who is a Virgin wouldn’t feel anything but proud and fortunate. There’s nothing more pathetic than being ashamed of who and what you are. And no matter what they say, anyone who would deny their Virginity is ashamed of it in my book. The Bobs of the world may argue that lying about being a Virgin will protect you from those that won’t like you for it. But 42 years of experience has taught me that people who don’t like you for being a virgin are either envious, resentful, or insecure. They want nothing better than to make you feel bad about yourself. And if they can shame you into hiding deep in the Chastity closet, where you are not a threat to them — they win. Why give them that power? Why allow people who secretly don’t think they are as good as you feel as though you are the loser?

Later I’ll post the comment that Bob wrote to my article and give you my response to it.

  • Author: Miss Daphne

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